I started searching for my birth mother when I was 18.� I had always known what my birth name and my birth mothers name was. � I knew where I was born and what town my mother lived in when I was born.� I started by writing to everyone with the same last name listed in the phone book for the area that she lived in.� I received some very nice letters from people who had never heard of her.� No one had ever heard of her.� When I started writing those letters I thought I would find her in no time, I was 18 and very naive to say the least. � That really stumped me that no one had ever heard of her.� I met a woman who was from that area and she told me there was a home for "wayward" girls there, and that all the girls there who were pregnant had their babies in Augusta, where I was born.� That made sense to me mainly because I had heard for years that I was going to end up in one of those homes if I didn't straighten up!! Now I was really excited, I just knew that within a matter of days I would be in the arms of my "real" mother who had spent 18 miserable years longing to hold her precious little girl.� I told you I was naive!!� Come to find out the home had closed a couple of years before and no one had any idea what happened to the records.� I finally did find out what happened to the records in 1998, they are at the department of corrections, the woman I talked with there was very nice but could not find any record of my mother ever being there.� I'm jumping way ahead of myself here, let me go back to 1974.
I decided that the easiest way to find her would be to get the records from the courthouse where I was adopted.� They had to have an address for her and her parents.� Didn't they?� So I went to see the probate judge.� I had my original adoption certificate with the record number and docket number and her name and all on it, so there should be no problem.� The probate judge at that time was a very sweet old man.� I told him that I wanted to see my adoption records and he said sure, just tell the clerk what you want and she'll show you. � I thought, WOW this is great, I'll be on my way to her house in an hour!� The clerk took my certificate, got the number off it and went to the file cabinets.� She came back with a piece of paper that contained the exact information that my certificate had except it also had her age and marital status on it.� That was all.� She said the other information was sealed and the judge had to write an order to open it. � By that time he was gone.� I lived a long way from there then and it took almost a year before I could get back.� The nice judge who I had spoken with had retired.� The new probate judge was not a very nice man.� He informed me that I had no right to know anything and that I should be happy that someone had wanted me and adopted me.� The old you should be grateful speech.� It was a real blow. � That ended things for a while, I didn't have any idea what to do next.� I tried to get those records from that court for the next 24 years.� My adopted father told me in 1990 that my mother was dead.� How did he know that when they had always told me that they didn't know who she was.� My father died in 1991 and I thought any info I would ever get died with him.� In 1996 I got a computer and started going on the internet.� I found the Adult Adoptees Chat Room at wbs right off the bat.� Well that changed everything.� I really went into a full fledged search, I finally had some hope and some ideas on how to go about it.� I also had something I had never had before...ENCOURAGEMENT and a lot of support.
I registered on every web site I could find. � I started calling my fathers friends to see if any one remembered anything about when they got me.� No one remembered anything.� I tried to contact the attorney they used but he was dead.� He kept all his records in his barn and it burned down in the early 90s.� I registered with the State of Maine's Reunion Registry.� I went back to the court, which is a real long way now because I live in West Virginia!! � The judge is only in on Wednesday, I got there Thursday and had to come home on Sunday.� They gave me a form to fill out and send back in.� No luck, again. � (some big surprise there huh?)� My then it was the end of 1997 and I was getting really sick.� I suffered from manic depression and this was not helping me any.� Finally in February of 1998 my therapist wrote a letter to the judge, telling him that it was detrimental to my mental health not knowing who my parents were.� TWO WEEKS later I received my ORIGINAL birth certificate in the mail.� I also finally received my non-id info.� The only peice of information on it that I could use was her place of birth.�
I didn't know her birth date, but I did know how old she was when I was born so I just figured out the between dates for when she would have been born.� I called the city hall where she was born and told them I would like to know her parents names.� The woman gave me her birthdate, my grandfathers name and place of birth and my grandmothers maiden name anad place of birth.� I was loaded with all the info I needed then.� I went to Yahoo and Swithchboard and looked for my grandfather.� I didn't find anyone with his name in Maine.� I went to the SSDI and looked him up and found out that he died in 1992.� I punched in my mother and my grandmother and neither of them where in the SSDI.� I tried to find a listing for my grandmother but didn't find one.� Then I read my non-id.� It said that my mother was at that home because of her mothers inability to discipline her.� That made me think that my grandparents must have been divorced because it sould have said her parents, not jsut her mother.� So I went to the State of Maine's Home Page.� They have this wonderful marriage database with all marriages in Maine before 1965 listed.� I punched in my grandmothers name and there it was, she remarried in 1961.� So went back to Switchboard.� There was a listing for 1 person with the same last name in the area, but the first name was different.� I thought well maybe it is his brother or something and they might know where my grandmother was.� I caled the number and a woman answered the phone.� I asked her if she knew my grandmothers husband.� She said that was my husband.� I stopped breathing.� I asked her if her name was Myrtle.� She said yes.� I asked her if she had a daughter named Margaret. � She said yes.� I started bawling my head off!!!! I yelled at her "You're my grandmother!!"� She said "Oh dear".� I don't remember much of the conversation.� I got my mothers name, address and phone number. � I tried to call her but just kept getting the answering machine.� I finally got up enough courage to leave a message.� I wrote her a long letter and sent her a buch of pictures of me, my children and my grandson.� I kept trying to call for a couple of weeks but just kept getting the answering machine.� My grnadmother had told me that I was lucky to catch her at home because she usually spent the winter in Tennessee with her son Richard.� I wennt back to Switchboard and got his number and called him. � He didn't even know my mother had had me because he had already left home by then. � He was so nice.� He told me that my mother usually spent the winter in Florida.� That eased my mind as to why I hadn't heard from her, she wasn't home and didn't know I had found her.� I went to Tennessee to meet my UNCLE two weeks after I talked to him for the first time.� He gave me a bunch of pictures of my mother when they were growing up and from a reunion they had in 1981.� I finally had a picture of her.� She didn't look anything like I thought she would.� I found out I had a sister and a brother.� A few weeks later I talked with my other Uncle in Maine. � He gave me my sisters number.� I found out that my mother was not in Florida, she had been home the whole while.� I got a very nasty letter from her telling me to leave her and HER familly alone.� So I called my sister.� She made me send her a copy of my original birth certificate.� She called my mother after I talked to her but my mother wouldn't tell her anything.� She would not even deny that I was me. � So she called my uncle and he told her that yes I was her sister.� She called me the next day and we talked.� She is only 29.
I went to Maine last summer and met my uncle up there.� My grandmother was in Iowa with my aunt who died of lung cancer last September.� My mother and my sister both live in New York.� I stopped there for two days on my way home and met my sister.� I drove past my mothers house, and mailed her birthday card from there.� I was there on her birthday.
I have not heard one more word from my mother.� I talk to my sister occationally, when I call her.� My brother just turned 20 and he still doesn't know that I exist.� My Uncle in Tennessee came and spent Christmas with us and I talk to him often.� He seems to be the only one in the family that has any interest at all in a relationship with me.
I really can't say that I would do it all over again.� It really has caused me a lot of pain.� I still have no idea who my father is and I guess I never will.
For anyone that is searching I would say prepare yourself for the worst.� That way you will be ready if you are rejected. � If you are accepted it will be a double blessing for you.� I would not discourage anyone from searching, there are many many happy reunions. I believe that we all have the right to our information.
Ingrid is my sister.� Dylan is my nephew.� Adrienne is my daughter.
� This is me.
� So is this 
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This is my mother � 
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And this is my grandson� Christian
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Please send any questions or comments to me here.� Thanks for visiting and I hope you come back again.� The best of luck in your search and reunion.� Donna
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